Well my friends, This has been a difficult year for many of us in fact radically different. Thankfully it seems to be winding down. This has been a time though, when I've had to keep busy or I'd have gone crazy.
Like most of you I've been frozen at home, severe limitations to follow, no friends to visit, paper facial barriers to keep the world at bay and ward off infection. Never, in my young-old life did I think I'd have to recognize people only by their eyes during my lifetime. This proved difficult for me because I have a problem with names and faces. My facial recognition is good, but, I just seem to have trouble with the name attached to it.
During the lock-down, I've been able to finish my debut novel, On The Other Side Of The Mirror, and with the help of, Newman Springs, Publishing. It is now available on, https:www.amazon.com/books/newreleases. It will also be available within the next two weeks on Kindle, E-Books, Barnes and Noble, Walmart and Target.
My debut novel is a Psychological Thriller. Henry, my protagonist is a paranoid, schizophrenic, serial killer who is controlled and directed by his reflective images. Julia, a fledgling attorney is the object of his misguided affection. We will explore the damaged mind of a killer and follow his manic, dangerous phases until the end. In fact, you may even feel a bit of sorrow for this man.
Henry is standing beside me, What was that? "Oh, okay, Yes, Henry I will...I'll let them know! Calm down Henry, No, put that down. Good man, Okay now, relax."
He wants me to let you read the first couple of paragraphs on this blog.
He tells me I should give you an idea of what lies ahead and convince you to purchase one if not two of this incredible book.
Read on my friend.
On The Other Side Of The Mirror
The rain has been falling without letup for three days; the sound is grating on my last nerve. The rain’s relentless drumming on my home’s metal roof has raised my already-fragile anxiety levels to the breaking point. Each exploding pellet striking the metal feels like a bullet ricocheting through my brain. I squeeze my head to stop the pain, but the pressure cannot drown out the pain. “God, please, release me, please enough, stop this torment.”
Doctor Maloney, discussed all my triggers with me last month. He told me if I become anxious, depressed, have trouble sleeping, gain weight, or begin crying over nothing. I may be in trouble again, and I will need to call him for an appointment. All of his triggers aren’t there yet, so I guess I don’t need to see him.
Lord, help me, even without all the triggers in place, the thoughts that fill my mind are killing me, unfulfilled thoughts of revenge, dreams of running rivers of blood. Controlling this violence is draining my body of what little energy I still have left. I need relief. I need to find a way to still this agony coursing through my body. I cannot take it anymore; I must release my demons. There must be a way out of this.
Recently, nothing works, I have made way too many trips to my cache of phenobarbital, Thorazine and Xanax; now, each of these bottles is almost empty. What else can I do? Each day, I spiral deeper into my depression. It is so bad that I feel like I’m moving through a white fog of chemicals. I crunch pills as if they’re bitter candy. I drink glasses of water to wash them down my constricting throat. The literature doesn’t say how many pills one person needs to take to deaden the pain and still feel alive. I wonder why?
There is no practical guide I can follow to tell me how to eliminate the feelings that drown my soul. Vile feelings that make me think I’m spiraling out of control? I am desperate, desperate to have this negative energy released. The energy I’m afraid I will use to hurt someone. I don’t ever again want to travel down that long dark road again. I’m not sure I’ll find my way back this time.
Once was one too many; the only thing that keeps me from ripping through my chemical fog into daylight is the fear that with-out these drugs, I’ll be forced to kill again. God, will I ever get off this treadmill? This is insane: how can I put the cork in the bottles and contain my violence without the pills. But, if I do that, if I put away the bottle, how will I ever control the anger that consumes me?
It’s no longer enough to hide alone in my room, sitting in the darkness, screaming in rage and frustration at the demons that surround me. Their shadows are soaring around the room, sweeping down, close enough for me to touch them. They have no substance. Their flowing shapes slide through my fingers like a grey mist. No matter what I swallow, sniff, or smoke, pills, alcohol, weed or crack. I'm lost, nothing stops the demons, nothing calms me.
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If you purchase 'On The Other Side Of The Mirror,' I would appreciate your comments. Let me know on www.themirrorman@yahoo.com
